ATTENTION MUSICIANS: Who the hell do you think you are? Don’t you realize that you’re leeches on society, only able to subsist because you’ve been able to deceive and exploit your audience into overpaying for the small modicum of entertainment you provide? Don’t you realize that you owe your fans your very lives, as well as the lives at least two of your more-preferred offspring? The very thought that an artist, especially in progressive rock, would even consider producing music that didn’t conform to the totally reasonable and valid expectations of their fan base makes me sick to the point of hallucination. And surely I must be hallucinating if my ears are hearing what they think they’ve been hearing from some of my favorite prog artists over the past few months.
Hey Opeth, did you guys forget what metal sounds like? At what point did you decide that Heritage needed to be an hour-long tribute to crappy 70’s prog bands? I listen to you because Mikael sounds like a demon who was fed a strict diet of motor oil and broken Christmas ornaments. I need some brutal death metal growling! I don’t particularly care that you were able to resurrect elements of classic prog that had been lost to majority of the new prog generation by seamlessly integrating those elements into your already eclectic interpretation of progressive metal, or that Mikael actually has an amazing voice when singing cleanly. I don’t pay you to expand the genre, I pay you to play “Deliverance” really fucking fast! DOUBLE BASS DRUMS, CAN YOU PLAY THEM?!?!?!
Yo, Steven Wilson, what’s with all the not-Porcupine-Tree you’ve been doing lately? Did I tell you that you could take a break, and do totally awesome things like re-master classic King Crimson albums? Why did you think it would be accetpable to do another solo album? You didn’t even get Gavin Harrison to play drums on it this time! Get back in the studio, on the side of the glass WITHOUT the mixing equipment, pick up that acoustic guitar, and play something that sounds vaguely Pink Floyd and/or Radiohead-ish. So help me God if you play something that sounds at all like Krautrock…
Mike Portnoy, listen, I know it’s been a rough year for you. I’m sure it’s been painful for you to watch as your former band-mates move on with another drummer (named Mike no less!) while you’ve been left to fend for yourself, out in the cold, with only six or seven projects to pass the time (Adrenaline Mob, Hail, Transatlantic, Neal Morse’s band, playing with Stone Sour, that thing with John Sykes, I think I heard you’re opening up a pro-wrestling school with Chris Jericho…) but come on man, you’re starting to bore me. When am I going to be able to hear the exact same beats I heard on Systematic Chaos, Octavarium, Black Clouds and Silver Linings again? I’m not digging this whole “variety” thing across your new projects. And don’t you think it’s time for a Liquid Tension Experiment reunion, again? Tony Levin could turn into a pile of dust at any moment, time is running out! (Note: I would still pay money to hear a pile of Tony Levin-dust play Chapman Stick).
Oh man…Devin Townsend…I don’t even know where to begin with you. Pick a genre and stick with it man! Do you know how long I’ve had to go without being able to pigeonhole you with traditional labels? You’re metal, you’re pop, you’re electronic, you’re new-age, I think I even heard some bluegrass recently. You’re like a hairless Canadian Frank Zappa sometimes! If Epicloud isn’t another concept album about coffee and cheeseburgers narrated by the Ziltoid puppet, I’m going to strongly consider canceling my pre-order for the DTP box set. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Look music slaves, it’s very simple. Progressive rock isn’t about progressing. It’s about doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. The only thing progressive rock fans want to change about their music is the time signature. The sooner you all remember this important concept and get back to doing what you were doing back in 2000 the happier we’re all going to be, OK? This genre isn’t based on innovation, or expansion, or exploration, or any of those fun-sounding hippie words. The reason you all practiced your rudiments is so that you can play rudimentary music (it all makes sense now!). The sooner you all revert back to your established formulas the happier we’ll all be. And by “we” I mean everyone except you.
I wanted to write a review of this DVD. I really did. I tried more than once to get it started. Every time I began writing though, I realized that I wasn’t saying anything that I didn’t already say in my review of the Whirlwind album or their tour stop here in NYC. It kept coming back to the basics: The band is awesome, the new music is pretty good, and their live shows are highly enjoyable.
I liked the DVD a lot, and any fan of Transatlantic will enjoy it as well. Pick it up! (You should probably do so here).
There are the few things I will say specifically about the DVD:
- The vocals are the best they’ve ever been in the band. They added some new harmonies for the tour, and each new part definitely enhances the total package. Pete Trewavas and Mike Portnoy both sound significantly better than they did on the last DVD, and of course the addition of Daniel Gildenlow as a touring member just brings the performance to the next level. Of course Neil and Roine are still great. All around a great vocal performance from everyone on stage.
- Speaking of Daniel and Pete, they are, in my opinion, the highlights of the DVD. Daniel brings that energy and enthusiasm to the stage that is so often lacking in the live performances of prog bands, and I’m extremely thankful that so much of him made it onto the DVD. Pete is notable for the great contrast between his presence on the last DVD and this one. He’s more animated, his parts stand out more (more an attribute of the song writing than his performance I suppose), and he handles a much larger portion of the vocal work, doing a damn good job with it. His performance here makes me wish I didn’t hate Marillion!
- The special features are…ok. Buy the DVD for the concert.
Oh, also, I’m on the DVD, look!
Again, I wish I had more to say about this, but there’s just very little else I can say that wouldn’t be repeating my last two posts about The Whirlwind. So check out the DVD, support the band, and maybe they’ll be motivated to take less than 9 years to get back together this time. I hear Portnoy will have some free time! (bad joke, sorry)
I was trying to explain the situation to some of my friends today in the chat room we form daily instead of doing our jobs (note to co-workers: just kidding!) It would be like Paul McCartney leaving the Beatles because he was having more fun in Wings. It would be like Peyton Manning and Justin Timberlake leaving football and music so they could promote Panasonic televisions full time. It would be like Hulk Hogan leaving pro wrestling because he was having more fun on the set of Thunder in Paradise.
The departure of Mike Portnoy from Dream Theater has basically shattered the progressive rock world over the past 24 hours. Without trying to cast Portnoy as a villain here, his announcement last night has been received much how I imagine the American public received the news of the attack on Pearl Harbor. A large portion of the fan base feels utterly betrayed, and no one, including Portnoy and the remaining members of Dream Theater, seem to know what is going to happen next. For now, the fan base has been scrambled, trying to understand what could have possibly happened to cause the such an unfathomable turn of events. Naturally people are looking for a party to blame, and everyone seems to be a target.
A lot of fans are blaming Avenged Sevenfold, whom Portnoy has been filling in with since the death of their previous drummer. The obvious metaphor, framing A7X as a hot young mistress seducing Portnoy away from his Dream Theater marriage, has been tossed around by more than one pseud- intellectual. I’d suspect playing with A7X influenced Portnoy’s decision, but I also doubt the guys in A7X made a conscious decision to lure Portnoy astray. He’s a well respected drummer who they seemed to look up to, and he was just as honored to help them in their time of need as they were to host him.